You Saved Me!

Dear You,

When I found myself at my lowest point,  I knew I was about to give up I no longer had a fight in me. I was simply tried of life itself and just couldn't do it anymore. Then you came in with no remorse or judgment you told me the truth. That things aren't always going to go my way,you have faith in me, but that it didn't matter cause I need it in myself. In order to fulfill my dreams I would have to sacrifice my comfort zone and grow-up. To be the best woman I could me and know my value. I still replay that night in my mind,the tears running down my face as I sat still for the first time, I hung to your every word and it changed me forever. You saved me from myself !

Thank you,
Bea   

Logic or Emotions!!!!

I 've been thinking alot lately about my future as I come closer to 30. For some reason I feel an unbearable urgency to find change for the better. As I continously learn from my experiences, I find a sense of compassion for people. I've learned to forgive much more easier, because I have more understanding. Now I am having a hard time with the overstanding when it comes down to it all, is it Logic or Emotions? Like when a person says " I love you more than anyone", but finds a way still to intentionally dismantle everything that your love stood for! Are we suppose to logically dismiss it as it just wasn't meant to be or in my Ex famous words "We just needed a break, cause we keep fighting"! Are you suppose to put all those bottled up emotions to the side and say you know I have some Fault too! Not for me I'm a person who loves deep and when I say it I mean it. I don't reason well with logic cause God made me a woman too bear all things, so yes i run far with emotions. I been in love with one male and gave him my all and in return he shattered my heart and empty my soul. So now here I am, finally I overstand that you need logic and emotions in order to maintain a healthy balance. I've learned logically it's the right thing to give out you heart cause its where your real love is, but for your own emotional well- being, keep your soul that's something you share with God, and only when he is ready he'll let you share it with your soul- mate. That's why he gave us it in the first place. Be Blessed!

HE WANTS TO BE!!!

He says that I'm different now, exactly how he wanted me to be. That time has alter our relationship over the last 15years. I can tell he's been reflecting after all we both have grown . With growth one thing has somehow remained the same our love. It's as if thru it all God had a special agenda for our love. Maybe it's to inspire one of the most modern love story for those around or just to test our limits of emotional gain. Either way we both find it hard to distance ourselves away. I must say at this point I find it pretty amusing to see two people so unconsiously drawn to one another. Like a partnership without any business to attend too, we find the simpliest alternative to engage our souls.While he spends his time looking for the answer to a more logical interpretation to what we have. I've accepted the more rational comprehension that he's simply the man I've grown custom too and while he wants to be everything I prefer he stay as the SUN! 

TITI LOVES U!!!!

JayJay I know it's hard for you to understand right now, but know that I apologize. I don't mean to be away from you for so long, but there's thing's that Titi has to do so she can stay on. Just know that I'll always be around and though I can't be there everyday I'm a phone call away! If mommy ever needs me tell her to call Titi Bebe and I'll come running, cause she's not only just your mom,but my sister from another mother and   I love her for giving me you(your dad too)! So never feel I'm too far away, cause I think about you everyday your one of God's many blessings in my life. So don"t you ever forget Jadyen TITI LOVES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHERE ARE THE LEAVES!!!!!

It's seems to me that Winter is having hard time going away, like that 80's hairspray bang that the front desk Assistant at your Dentist office thinks is still hot (by the way can someone let her know it's not)! Were all praying for the days of green leaves and Burberry taupe trench coats! At this point we all might agree to low 50's temperatures at night, anything that might keep us out a little longer then on a night in the low teens! I know that I'm willing to give up my extra hour of beauty sleep just to see the sun after a long day at the office. See the thing about the Spring is I can feel it in the air silently whispering I'm on my way still it's nothing like the real thing. All I have is the shades that keeps my eyes blocked from the Winter wind and the constant question WHERE ARE THE LEAVES!!!!!!

GOD CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!

As I turn a new leaf in my life the pressure sometimes feels unbearable. Tryin to understand that we all have some battle we're fighting how do we still get threw a day to keep pushing forward? I tend to believe that all the things I been thru, from the lost of my parents to having my 4 yr old nephew ask me how much I love him,and me saying so much it hurts Chris. How will he ever understand that he's part of the reason I won't give even. I feel like where and when will my break come, I've been talking to God alot lately hope to find what I been looking for. All I can say is while the time pasts and I continue to grow God's must be busy with this world and can't get to me right now. As I leave my message on his voicemail God I know that I'm strong and your dealing with the weak but I'm wondering, maybe if I knock at his door and simply say GOD CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!!!!

LOVE IN SACRIFICE!

I find it hard to believe that a person can sacrifice all for the love of someone just to have the love walk away in vain. When you give all that you have and all you  recieve is a blank stare as the reason for your love lost.What I do believe is that when you give a person all that you have and still come out empty handed  it's more about finding you and less about who was wrong. You should never have to give up all of you to make someone love you. Love doesn't ever return to you empty-handed when it's real. If your more then willing to sacrifice everything for someone you love then you better make it worth it.Choice wisely when giving your heart out and if it doesn't workout then expect nothing to be the same stop trying to hold on just let go and keep the experience. Learn from your broken heart and take the time you need for yourself to heal and keep looking forward cause there's always a bright Sunny sky after a really bad storm! LESSON LEARNED!!