They Said

They said he was a Dog, until I came. They said in order to get him I would have to be different, I just was myself. They said he never smiles funny I make him laugh. They said he doesn't fall for anyone, I showed him what its like to be with someone! They said he's mean to everybody, I know him to be too kind! They said all these things, Thank God I have my own mind!

             FOR DOG!

All by Myself!

As the date draws closer near I'm so emotional I can't believe how rapidly my life has change. I wake up every morning thinking, as if this whole thing was just some random dream then reality kicks in pretty fast when I realize that I'm running late for work. See that's the thing about life we spend so much time daydreaming before we realize we're off schedule of a dreams, goals and accomplishment. However when it seems as if I'm running late I always make it early. That's just how my life works I maybe flawed in keeping time, but I'm immaculate when I arrived! Be Bless!

Courage!

To gain courage thru fear is first to endure enough pain to the point  that the fear is no longer the road block, but it because a stepping stone. That nothing is worst then the situation at hand, and all you want is out. To gain courage, to overcome anything and everything. You need to know that there is always a lesson in it to be learned, and you have to be able to grasp the first lesson or you become a target of repeated circumstances. I know all to well the outcome of not listening when God is calling. I like to say that I was to busy talking after all I am a Gemini. Then I found myself in the same exact situation a year later, I said I never will go thru again. Then it hit me I didn't learn the lesson in order to gain the courage needed to change. Needless to say but  I got it this time but not without a price I'm still paying. With nothing to lose I go harder then ever now. The courage I gain from the pain I endure has made me impeccable. I gain a newfound respect for my heartbreak and hurt. Its made me fearless in living life, and it's giving me the Courage to live it for me, my way everyday! SO Live, Love, and Laugh!

Battle of who Careless!

I didn't know that we were competing I must have miss the memo on who could hurt the most. Well the stars are still in my sky! How in the hell can you pacific bad intentions, WOW, I see a monster! I guess cause I don't wear your chains anymore, so you really can't hold me. I know you should be more sullen in your careless, cause people might mistake it! As for me, " sorry I don't know what or who your talking about"! The truth is I careless, too busy paper chasing so keep hating. Your battling self I;ve already giving up on you so in the famous words of Cuzin A "Boy BYE"!

Lunch and an EX!

Just had lunch with Mike he's so funny. When you can hang out with an ex and still be comfortable enough to look at the Hot (really hot) Waiter from Trumbull Kitchen as if you won't see any thing that hot again, Mike said I looked like I was going  to jump his bone right there. Personally I was wondering if he would measure up in bed considering I was with someone that had that in the bag. As I sat across from this really Handsome Blue-eyed man asking him all types of random questions, one really took me by surprise when he actually responsed. See Mike's one of the really cocky Men(Gemini of course) that knows he's a Great Catch, but I was to busy finding the next one so I didn't have time to work with him. Anywho back to the question with the most serious face ever I asked Mike the one question every women wants to know. Why do men love the women who treat them like shit? "See Babe, that's all wrong boys like girls who treat them like shit! Men we like women who are sure of themselves that don't need us, but simply want us that don't only challenge us, but make us want better. That's the problem here people don't know where they fall in line at. Then everybody wonders why relationships are so fuck-up"! I could not agree more with Mike, the problem is first you need to know where you stand as an individual in order to know,what your looking for!  When lunch was over one more thing Mike where do I fit in at? With the look that got me to just grab him on my 21stbornday, " With that girlish smile, barbie style, loyalty, chinky eyes and the verbal skills of a literary genius Bea sweetheart your one of a kind. Who else can convince there ex from 9 years ago to come have lunch with them and have him want to pick up the check"! Your one in a million! As I walked away I started to laugh too funny I was thinking the same thing about him! WOW!!!! SO random!

Steady Growing!

I've took the time that was needed for me. I'm paying close attention and so I continue to learn. I never seen this coming, but I must it admit I love it. Finally I know who I am, and with that comes a sense of contentment automatically. Your life becomes clearer once you find your purpose. I learn to take accountability for my actions and become more proactive then reactive. I've learned to accept people for who they are and not what I want them to me. But more then anything right now at this very moment I see my change it's so steady like a constant blooming flower that's not quite hit its peck, but is longer just a bud.  I wake-up every morning with a new admiration  for this life of mine. I can't even believe it, that just 8 months ago I didn't want to live, now I find myself every night pleading with God for another day to fulfill my dreams.  I know I'm in God's favor after all who else can walk thru hell and come out unburned,but better then ever. So here it is I'm perfectly the way God intended me to be at this moment and with every pasting day I'm closer to who I always was needed to be.I make no excuses or apologies for my short-comings  because I Steady Growing !   

GOODBYE!!!

I always wanted you to know that it didn't matter, who did what and that I love you. There's nothing lefted here for us God's will has been done and we've experienced it all you and I. So please don't you hold on, cause I've been spending my time moving on. All that was meant to be for us has ended. You and I know what we've share so remember that, and keep that okay! But let's do the right thing this time and tell the truth, there's no more hope in me for you so go away now. Wait, but you can  keep my love so you can tell the difference of when someone just says and how I mean it. Yes, it hurts but it won't break me down, I'm starting the rest of my life and I wish you the best in yours without me. I know that it's unfair in all the right ways but your so wrong in all ways at least for me. You've done enough to me  for a lifetime,now all I can say is this " I know the most Bittersweet story of a love that could of moved mountains, but fell short by a lack of FAITH!